i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
time to smoke my breakfast
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
