Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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