I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Randomize
