Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize