At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Life is so much better after having sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
