OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
