i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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