I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
