I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
