i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
