Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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