i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
