I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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