and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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