i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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