1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
