i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
