so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
