I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
