i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
