My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
