Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
