why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize