i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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