bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
