I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
