you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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