I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
