There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
