I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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