How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
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Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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