margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
