He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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