Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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