ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
