pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
