The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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