She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
