So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You can't special order awesome
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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