Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
