I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
