she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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