some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
