enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
