Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
