I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
