You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Girls should come with a carfax report
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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