My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
