How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
