Already got asked if we're dating
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
