I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
