Swine flu. Run for my life!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
