I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream