God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
