Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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