My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
