An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She even gives head with a lisp.
You took a bar mat shot.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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