she looked like the bat from fern gully.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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