if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
