I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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