You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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