He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
