Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
