You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
