Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
