What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
