Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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