WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Fuck appropriateness.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
