This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
