my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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