3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
