just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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