sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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