I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
