one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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