she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
