just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
