Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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