Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Randomize
