I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
