you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I didn't shave. On purpose
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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