i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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