why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
