I like my sex mixed with concussions.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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