Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
