I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
