i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
