Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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