Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
